Feel so fcuking weak! Lousy me

Didn know it hurt so much.
Drink drank drunk. Hopefully
Take away this pain in me

No longer there's facebook
No longer this blog will be publish.
I will keep it in my heart.
Dont need to find about my news.
I will disappear from this minutes onward
Seen you like it, i will.
You want me gone.

Passerby:

Another thanks for you CJT.
You've super pull me down okay.
Move on? Sorry and thanks
Bu i'm telling you i not going to move on anyfurther
Not anymore now.
I now only can say i lost it all.
Even you ! And i actually telling myself i've not.
Thanks. Afterall this while.

Only you will cone this blog.
Nobody know abt this blog existence.
Thanks

Thanks ah.

Now then i realised,
I actually lose your moral support toward me.
Thanks and i lose it all.
Even your support, i lose myself.
Real hard really real hard. I cant find anything to comfort me
Not even a single soul.
I hate chan jia en this fuckin person.
Not even a person trust me, not even you.
CJT.

Do take care when you're out sailing.
Do be careful.
I lost it all, even my only pillar in my mind
I thought you understand, i thought
But you dont believe it.

Can you just tell me.

Am i a nothing to you now?

You no longer care, we no longer text, no longer smile

我知道是我的错。
我真的很想发给你可是我害怕了

Just leave me to die better.

I can't define who is true and who is fake.
I can't believe whether to trust or not trust.
I began to doubt my ability to do thing or say.
Maybe i shouldn't have be out here ,
Maybe i shouldn't have appear.
Maybe i should say a bye.
I've lost all the battle.

Take care.
This is me, my life, my chaotic life i causes

I wonder how are you.
I wonder what are you doing.
I wonder where are you.
I wonder who are you with.
I dont have the courage to text you.
I think i lose it all after hearing and seeing you like this.
I lost it all at that night.
I wonder do you hate me
I wonder have you give me up. Siigh
Evrything now i'm wondering.
I'm scare but i miss you.
Where are you?
Our promises is it still there?
Just a text from you make me feel safe.
But i think it didnt even have.
I am worried you dont care anymore.
Day4

I wonder how are you.
I wonder what are you doing.
I wonder where are you.
I wonder who are you with.
I dont have the courage to trxt you.
I think i lose it all after hearing and seeing you like this.

I pray hard for your verdict.
Pray hard that nothing happen.

When you say dont need to text me when reach home
My heart hurt.

I saw you.
Wanted to talk to you more.
Wanted to run to hug you.
Wanted to just see you is enough.

I miss you day 2.

Wow . Is year 2010 back to update.

I dont know whether it's a good thing or bad.

Finally, i decided to give up everything .
Too much thing happening around me.
I lose alot of things in between al this matter
My best good sister , cynthia tan & tham yi tian
Do you all know how much i miss you both.
Everytime i miss, everytime i sad
I tend to look at the photo that we've taken.
It's like a never ending hurricane.
The will to survive in it , i have officially lose it all.
Do take care all of you. Really must.

Anyway, a sidenote
I bought a havanians slipper cos it broke.
I finally choose a colour out of all .

I chooses red
Reason is it had a significant meaning to me.
It's his favorite.

I just realise that you want me to move on forward
But sad to say,
I am not moving forward nor move on
But retreating backward to hide in a place or find a suitable place.

If i ever have a chance next life,
I would choose not to know you or you are my enemy
Because i have hurt you so much all this year.
It hurt me to see you suffer. It hurt me to know you're suffering alone.
If you're my enemy, at least i still can know how ur life is going
At least i still can yearn to see the smile on your face.
The smile that i first met in the first place which brought me to you.
I miss that. Please take care my dear.
You will never know what is going to happe next.
Jiayou in everyyhing you do.

hehes finally have the mood to update le (:

monday , 5december

went to shopping with shingyee & lifen at orchard
we shopped til 5plus and took train to queensway
something bad happened makes me moody ):
at night about 8-9plus , went to find lingling !!
both of us is sad , and so we last min decided to ...
BUY A CAKE AND 2 BIG BOTTLES OF DRINKS
TO CELEBRATE BOTH OF BIRTHDAY (: WEEE
and we had alots of fun , super fun wahahhahas
went to her hse to watch homerun til 12plus ,
went to meet aron and we walked and walked
after that went to 496 to meet joel and cabbed hm.

tuesday , 6december
slack at home til evening and went to lingling hse
slack at her hse and her mum fetch us to queensway
went to collect my contact lens and off we go to vivo
went there to shop , bought a dress,belt,shoes for bdae (:
shopping with lingling is so much fun wahhahaas
after that went to eat secret recipe at 10plus,
we both took cablecar to sentosa and drink 2big bottles (:
play play played with another 4person and swim
went to the sea there de jumping things and jump til 5plus
go and have a bath and home sweet home with lingling.

wednesday , 7december
slept for 3hours jiu wake up and cabbed to zoo.
meet jiaying , fenglin they all and explore there.
til 5-6plus , cabbed back to cheng house and slack
about 8plus we left for 496 to eat dinnner.
at night about 11plus went to find lingling again (:
buy a big bottle of mineral water and bus to pioneermall
and i went home and chatted with lingling norh.

thursday , 8december
wake up early again and took cabbed to bugis to work
due to i overslept til 11.30 totally sianns wahahhaas
at night , lingling come find me again, went home together
alight at chinese garden and walk to lingling hse busstop
and i took bus to gengzhong hse but 2plus went hm.

friday , 9december
slack at home til 3 and walk to jp and took bus to panjang
didnt found de thing i wan , so took lrt to lot1 lols.
den took 172 back to jurong and changed bus to 99 to imm
went to buy burgerking for dinner and walk to lingling hse
took bus to lakeside mrt station and walk to lakepark
slack there alone til 10plus, lingling come and pei me.
we run here and there , play here and there wahahhahs
fun lahx , haha abt 12plus, we went to s11 to eat roti prata.
and got car accident there lols. saw many type of police.
went back to lakepark again and lie down on the floor
we talk talk talk and slack slack slack and look at stars.
is very very beautiful, gt many kind of stars (: wahhahas
went home at 2plus and slept.

saturday
4plus went to 496 to meet jiaying they all and slack.
slack there til doris and brenda came , we went hke mac
after that we seperate into different cabs wahahha
me , cheng , doris , brenda one cab went to je first
den went back to 4y to meet them celebrate laihe b'dae
after that sit keith car back home at 11plus
and chitchat with lingling again , alot of thing to talks

sunday
wake up early in the morning and mrt to yeetee
in the end , no one was at yeetee , so i went back hm
2plus went to cheng hse to meet jiaying they all
4plus went back to 496 and slack there and wait
took bus to clementi and change to bus to turf city
went there and we eat steamboat (: so long nv eat le
dear oso got come (: hahas everything oso okay le bahs
eat til 9plus 10plus and went to cheng hse to slack
and tonned at his hse with dear, his hse is hot wahahs
10plus went to gz hse and cabbed home with dear.

290706 , chenjunting , iloveyou dear.
alot of quarrel throughtout la but still love him.
really miss him alots. (: loveya muacks <3